Wholeheartedly
Since being released from the hospital, my days have been spent relaxing at home with my beautiful wife and child as Kelly feeds Noah and I sit there and try to burp him. It is rather surreal to sit on the couch and watch the little guy try and push out the gas as he strains for comfort, knowing that his life is completely in the Lord's hands as well. All that I can do is be a loving father to him, yet I have no control over his destiny or whether or not he will even love me back. Yet I know that, through his naïve and relatively small needs, he will come and possibly even now, expects me to give him my best. He expects me to give him my best.
I was reading in Deuteronomy about Caleb and it is said that he was a man who followed wholeheartedly after the Lord. This gave him incredible longevity with faith and effectiveness, yet ultimately, we find that it really wasn't anything that he did, just what he was and represented; faith without compromise. I want to be like that. Faith without compromise.
This last stint in the hospital, after the initial shock of everything went away and we were faced with a new dilemma (relatively new anyway), we prayed and prayed that the Lord would provide for us something miraculous again. People called, expressed their desires for us to live a full life of health and prosperity, along with many other social norms we have come to associate with "the good life." Yet in asking these things from God, I can't feel a bit overwhelmed at how selfish I have become in some regards. Let me qualify that statement:
I ask for God's best for my life almost every day, and in truth, because of the incredible and extreme show of love He gave me by sending his son on the cross to die for me because I couldn't live the kind of life that would get me into heaven, I have come to expect this in other areas of my life. After all, we quote things like "God owns a thousand cattle on a thousand hills," if we are in financial disarray or "by his stripes we have been healed" if we are asking for God to intervene with health. We know verses that speak of God as a loving father who knows our needs and wouldn't give us a rock if we asked for a loaf of bread, how much more would he bless us in other areas of life?
Yet, I can't help but realize, from my own vantage point, that though I constantly pray, sometimes without ceasing for health and certain prosperities, that through this often selfish prayer that I am asking for God's best without giving him my best. It seems to me to be a one-sided relationship. I want God's best for my life, yet I in turn do not give him my best. In opposition to the heart of Caleb, I do not follow the Lord wholeheartedly.
Here's a truth: I have never been happier or full of joy more than when I am walking closely with the Lord and He is sustaining me with His faith and eternal perspective. The world and health and all of the other complexities life seems to throw at us melt away, and I am left with purpose to do the work of the Lord. Shouldn't I then follow God wholeheartedly? Shouldn't I then give God my best and stop making excuses about how little time I have for him or for others who are in need?
In His Grip,
posted by J.A. BLOCK | 8:17 PM
1 Comments:
Upon my reflection of your words here and your previous post on the 25th, you have come to such a precious and profound place in your walk with the Lord and God knew, He knew that these circumstances would bring out what He had set forth before you were born. I too understand, on my own personal level, the selfishness that one can bring into a situation just from wanting things to turn out or be a certain way. Life is truly lived well when one is stripped of self and Jesus is left to hold ground. This is experienced on many levels in one's life, nor does one know one's level of contrition, as Martin Luther stated in his 95 theses, theses #30: "No man is sure of the reality of his own contrition, . ."
God has given you all that you need right now. You have health, regardless of whatever measure of health it might be, because oblviously you'd be dead otherwise. You have a life overflowing with blessing. The joys of realizing God and the blessings of His presence that He chooses to bestow are remarkable. Soaking it all up on a human level can be impossible,"...my cup runs over. Surely gooodless and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life..." Psalms 23. Oh, how happy I am for you even though your body isn't at 100%. My dad has seen his own measure of struggle, having to live in constant physical pain(fibromialgia) and having God bring him to his wit's end and even deadly close to life's end twice. He has been taken through the fire as you have. The other side of that furnace is an explaination I will leave to you. There isn't much that I can state to address that fact properly. He, he, I had customer, Christian, who asked me a humerous and yet profound question:"Isn't it true that the more you know the more you realize just how stupid you are?" My responce was in laughter and in a deep pondering of how much we really don't know. It certainly made me feel small. And it certainly brings into perspective our lives not knowing fully in detail God's plan for them. :).
I don't know if you remember the song I wrote and shared with you after college group months ago but I thought that the lyrics might be poignant for such a time as this.
Lord, this song, this life is for you alone
My praise, my worship
My adoration
Lord, this song, this life is for you alone
My life, my hopes,
My entire being
My will and my mind
My soul, and my spirit
My life and my love, my speech and my breath
My path and my walk, my words and my truths
My acts and my deeds, my sight and my vision
My will and my mind
My soul, and my spirit
Chorus:
I will love for you, I will live for you,
I will laugh for you, I will long for you
Enjoy this wonderful time basking in the Lord's light. I love you all very dearly and you are in my thoughts and prayers often.
In His glorious Name,
Your sis in Christ,
Michelle
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