Railroad Tracks
I think there is a lot to be said about trials and pain, heartache and frustration. What does the eternal perspective, the one in which we know we are being perfected for that day when Christ comes again; that day when nothing will matter and we will realize that this life was over in a brief moment? Already my child, baby Noah, has grown noticeably; aren't we all the same way? So what does that mean?
While I was in the hospital on Thursday night, I was projected back to fear of the unknown. It seemed for one brief period, my doubts came flooding in and I found myself in doubt. I was afraid that I wouldn't see Noah full grown, that I would leave Kelly alone, and that my time after the transplant was just a gift and now it was my turn to go to my real home. Silly, really, is all it was, for as I finished the first massive immuno suppressive steroid stint, I laughed and said, "What is there to fear?"
All I have to do is look back on the past few weeks and see that my God is fully capable of doing the impossible. He already has and I, along with many of you, have seen it manifested in my recovery. So really, what do I have to be afraid of? Fear is just a cage employed by the enemy to keep us in a place where we cannot praise God. And I for one will not live that way.
Friday morning was a different story. I woke up, got unattached to all of my I.V.'s, and walked around the inside and outside of the hospital, free to meet people and listen to the worship on my IPOD I downloaded. It was one of the sweetest experiences I have had in a long time. Truth be known, God met me yet again, and it was intoxicating. I wouldn't trade it for a moment.
I guess that is where I am at right now. This past experience in the hospital was an awakening one for me. I know that my life is given to me each day so that I can praise God and give Him glory despite the circumstances around me. Others see that and it is not to my glory, but something I am so fortunate enough to be chosen for. I cannot run from this or it will only leave me bitter. Instead, when I run TO it, I see God's intimacy, experience His peace, and love what He alone supplies. Can trials be my bed of protection?
I feel not like a sailboat being tossed back and forth wherever the Spirit blows; rather, I feel that the Kingdom of God is a massive train moving forward with power, authority, and intentionality. I am the train tracks. My life needs to be laid down, ready to take on whatever happens, so that the advancement of the Kingdom happens over, through, and wherever I am.
Some who read this may have a problem with me saying that I am okay with the pain in my life and the experiences I have been called to go through. That theology may be hard to swallow. People pray for complete healing and restoration in my life so that I can live a life to the fullest. I believe so passionately that the life I am living while going through these trials may be fuller than a life lived free of pain, because the intoxicating grace fills me each day with the hope of my future home and what all of this is producing. God has blessed me so abundantly with a powerful testimony of Him and what He is accomplishing. I get to be a part of this glorious thing I am going through, because God's glory and Kingdom advancing are all that matter. Not how much money I make, how happy I am with my job, lifestyle, or what have you.
Full steam ahead, the train is coming. And I get to be a part of that in a powerful way.
With Love,
Daniel and Kelly Parkins
While I was in the hospital on Thursday night, I was projected back to fear of the unknown. It seemed for one brief period, my doubts came flooding in and I found myself in doubt. I was afraid that I wouldn't see Noah full grown, that I would leave Kelly alone, and that my time after the transplant was just a gift and now it was my turn to go to my real home. Silly, really, is all it was, for as I finished the first massive immuno suppressive steroid stint, I laughed and said, "What is there to fear?"
All I have to do is look back on the past few weeks and see that my God is fully capable of doing the impossible. He already has and I, along with many of you, have seen it manifested in my recovery. So really, what do I have to be afraid of? Fear is just a cage employed by the enemy to keep us in a place where we cannot praise God. And I for one will not live that way.
Friday morning was a different story. I woke up, got unattached to all of my I.V.'s, and walked around the inside and outside of the hospital, free to meet people and listen to the worship on my IPOD I downloaded. It was one of the sweetest experiences I have had in a long time. Truth be known, God met me yet again, and it was intoxicating. I wouldn't trade it for a moment.
I guess that is where I am at right now. This past experience in the hospital was an awakening one for me. I know that my life is given to me each day so that I can praise God and give Him glory despite the circumstances around me. Others see that and it is not to my glory, but something I am so fortunate enough to be chosen for. I cannot run from this or it will only leave me bitter. Instead, when I run TO it, I see God's intimacy, experience His peace, and love what He alone supplies. Can trials be my bed of protection?
I feel not like a sailboat being tossed back and forth wherever the Spirit blows; rather, I feel that the Kingdom of God is a massive train moving forward with power, authority, and intentionality. I am the train tracks. My life needs to be laid down, ready to take on whatever happens, so that the advancement of the Kingdom happens over, through, and wherever I am.
Some who read this may have a problem with me saying that I am okay with the pain in my life and the experiences I have been called to go through. That theology may be hard to swallow. People pray for complete healing and restoration in my life so that I can live a life to the fullest. I believe so passionately that the life I am living while going through these trials may be fuller than a life lived free of pain, because the intoxicating grace fills me each day with the hope of my future home and what all of this is producing. God has blessed me so abundantly with a powerful testimony of Him and what He is accomplishing. I get to be a part of this glorious thing I am going through, because God's glory and Kingdom advancing are all that matter. Not how much money I make, how happy I am with my job, lifestyle, or what have you.
Full steam ahead, the train is coming. And I get to be a part of that in a powerful way.
With Love,
Daniel and Kelly Parkins
posted by J.A. BLOCK | 3:48 PM
6 Comments:
May we all lay down our lives like that!! I pray that!
[I feel not like a sailboat being tossed back and forth wherever the Spirit blows; rather, I feel that the Kingdom of God is a massive train moving forward with power, authority, and intentionality. I am the train tracks. My life needs to be laid down, ready to take on whatever happens, so that the advancement of the Kingdom happens over, through, and wherever I am.]
Praying for you! Noah is a cutie!
Love,
Aunt Nancy
Wow! You are an encouragement to me. I particularly like what you said... "Fear is just a cage employed by the enemy to keep us in a place where we cannot praise God." As I have my own physical trials these days this quote from you will help me keep into perspective what fear really is. I've added this quote to my email signature at work. I know it will speak to others as it has to me. Praying for all of you and trusting in God's perfect plan for your lives as well as my own.
Mark Wolf
Drummer - EFCC Choir & Orchestra
Dan, my brother, I love you. I cannot begin to express how much you have given to me through your words and your life.
As I read this latest blog I was reminded of a Rich Mullins song called I Stand:
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
You are the strongest man I know, Dan, and I know it is only the strength of our Father in you that carries you through.
Another song came to mind, one of my personal favorites, written by Martin Luther called A Mighty Fortress. I could not chose a selection so I will post it in whole:
A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;
Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing:
For still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and power are great, and, armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.
Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;
Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:
Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;
Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,
And He must win the battle.
And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us:
The Prince of Darkness grim, we tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure,
One little word shall fell him.
That word above all earthly powers, no thanks to them, abideth;
The Spirit and the gifts are ours through Him Who with us sideth:
Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;
The body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still,
His kingdom is forever.
May the peace that passes all understanding through the Lord Jesus be with you in these times. May the Spirit fill your heart will zeal. Amen.
The Lord uses you to encourage others. thank you for just being such a blessing. youre in our prayers.
Linda
While reading this I couldn't help but think of a book that came out recently. It is called A Steadfast Heart: Experiencing God's Comfort in Life's Storms by Elyse Fitzpatrick. It is probably a reiteration of the theology of suffering that you already have, but I think it might be a help for you both when temptations and doubt come and all seems dark. The book comes with a CD with readings on it for when things are so hard that it seems impossible to read.
Dan & Kelly,
It was good to see you guys today at Babies R Us... Did they give you the pat down search as well? Noah is a beautiful child, you guys sure know how to make babies! Anyway... Just wanted to say that Anjuli and I have been so blessed by your journal entries. That you have allowed us to enter your story like this has been truly a gift. In fact your story will be, and already has been a gift to the Church. Even as I saw you today I sensed such a profound joy from each of you and we join with the multitudes of other saints in prayer on your family's behalf.
Sam, Anjuli, and Manoah (waiting in the wings)
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