On the Couch with Kelly

A plump stomach the size of a swollen basketball sits to the right of me as I feel with my left hand a little boy stretching inside my beautiful bride. Why have I been so blessed? Why do tears come so easily now? Kelly just shared with me a story of one of her scariest moments with me in the hospital. Before visiting my room one day, before the transplant happened, she had parked her car and was about to enter my colder room on the fourth floor of SCRIPPS Green in La Jolla, CA. The doctor stopped her, knowing how I was behaving from having visited me just seconds previously, and explained to her that because of how sick I really was, I might not exactly be myself. I might seem confused at the very least, for massive amounts of diseased chemicals from my liver failure had worked towards my brain and I could very well be in a coma soon on a respirator. A couple friends visited that day that I don't remember, but as she continued to tell me this story on the couch in our now lovely home about to embrace our first child, tears flowed freely at how blessed I am. Kelly goes on to explain to me that upon her first coming in, I asked her why her stomach was like that; so large and swollen. Had I really forgotten or been so confused or so close to the eternal home that I could ask something like that? She said she didn't stop crying for quite some time after I said it, and as I continued to hear of other stories she has opened up to me about, my mind is slowly opening to the very real fact that, despite the horror that I have gone through in my life, the pain that has happened, I can still say that I am so blessed. By all logic conjured by this world and its understandings, I should be dead; now for the fifth time in my life because of disease with this time being the closest. But I am alive. I am still in pain, but I am alive and able to see love abound around me.

Kelly and I would ask that you guys continue to pray for us during this time. She will be giving birth, if on schedule as the doctor firmly suggests, in about a week. Of course we are excited, but since this is her first, she is beginning to feel nervous or at least a little frightened. She is my helpmate, but I want her to be able to take this next season and just enjoy being a mother. I helped her cook tonight to show her that I will be okay and that she will not have to take care of me as much, but I need prayer as well. My pancreas went into failure, along with most of my other organs before I was transplanted and I can't seem to get my blood sugars underline even with the help of four to five insulin injections a day. We went to a diabetes specialist today and uncertainty abounds. I want to eat and eat and eat, but with my blood sugar out of whack, I can't absorb the nutrients I need to heal. Consequently, the staples in my side haven't healed and they might need to "pack it" which will prolong the process more than I would like, and my muscles still feel extremely weak.

But as I said earlier, I am alive and am now able to be a part of a story much bigger than me. How can I not be thankful? How can I not feel blessed? Mother Theresa once said that the Worst this world has to offer is like one night in a dirty hotel room compared to eternity. Well I have seen some of the worst that this world has to offer in my pain. But right now, as I feel for Noah to kick my hand on Kelly's beautiful stomach and as I lose myself in her eyes, I know that there are some good things this world has as well, if we can just let God be God. Some hotel rooms may be dirtier than others, but really, its just one night right? For those of you reading this, be encouraged, you are loved by our God.

Love, Dan and Kelly