Contractions!!

As of early this morning, Kelly woke up with contractions that are around ten minutes apart.  Nothing to worry about, but a few other things have happened to let us know that we MIGHT be in the beginning stages of Noah's birth.  This could be just a false alarm, as many of you know, but Kel and I are really enjoying the anxiousness and really looking forward to completing this process (especially Kelly!).  Personally, I was approaching this in the confidence in the Lord, and haven't felt one bit of anxiety and such...yet when we started timing the contractions, I did what any first time father did, and my stomach hasn't felt easy since!  Pray that this transition goes as smoothly as possible with no hang ups (we have had enough of those lately!)

 

Oh shoot, as I just wrote this, Kelly's water just broke...see you guys soon...and I'll let you know about Noah!

 

Dan and Kelly

A New Engine in Me

The dawning of this Monday, knowing that I would have to yet again visit the hospital for a check up, started well.  I couldn't sleep past five or so in the morning so I got up to write some emails.  We drove through tons of traffic to reach the hospital in time and by 9:30am, were on our way to accomplish a few errands that Kelly needed to get done.  But what struck me as so encouraging today, more than just how I was feeling, was what the head doctor prescribed for me; protein shakes.  "You have a new engine in you Dan, one that works, so let's put some protein in you."  As he left the room smiling and not looking up from his notes, he paused and quickly added, "You know, at times it was pretty scary (during the actual surgery)…you must have had a little help from above."  More tears of joy.

 

A little help from above?  Are you kidding me!  My God, my rock and my King who reigns forever.  He gets all the glory, and reminds me each day as I share my story even with the people who help us with our phones or take our lunch orders, that we live in the realm of eternity now, where the infinite doesn't operate as we would think.  At first glance, I could complain pretty bitterly that a lot of my life has been wasted in pain and heartache (see: Daydreams!), that time has been lost of some sort or that things haven't gone according to plan.  But God doesn't operate in time, but in measures of His grace.  If I had to live out life according to my strength, my will, and my plans than yes, time is of the essence.  But I don't; none of us do.  God calls us never to "do"; as if we could change the course of our history.  I think the only "do" is to submit.  But even that is more passive than anything most of the time. 

 

I love the fact that God has done so much these past weeks, that even every surgeon on the transplant team, most of which don't recognize their Creator, have given glory to God because they just don't have an answer for what happened.  I love the fact that most of the time, people are praising God through my story and I haven't preached a word or done anything.  And that's how I really feel; I haven't done anything.  God has.  So of course, only He can get the glory.  And now, he has given me a new engine to operate my body and break down proteins so it can be built up.  Did I do that?  Nope.  Do I need to worry about how they are going be broken down, or how much weight I need to gain, or a host of other things that need to progress in me?  No.  God takes care of all of that; He always has and always will.  So I will continue to not focus on "doing," but on "being" a lover of God and of His grace to me.  I will spend time in His garden with the new engine in me…

 

Dan Parkins

 

If anyone ever has any spiritual questions about these blogs, feel free to email me at dparkins1@cox.net.  I know our God can and will encourage you with the truth…

On the Couch with Kelly

A plump stomach the size of a swollen basketball sits to the right of me as I feel with my left hand a little boy stretching inside my beautiful bride. Why have I been so blessed? Why do tears come so easily now? Kelly just shared with me a story of one of her scariest moments with me in the hospital. Before visiting my room one day, before the transplant happened, she had parked her car and was about to enter my colder room on the fourth floor of SCRIPPS Green in La Jolla, CA. The doctor stopped her, knowing how I was behaving from having visited me just seconds previously, and explained to her that because of how sick I really was, I might not exactly be myself. I might seem confused at the very least, for massive amounts of diseased chemicals from my liver failure had worked towards my brain and I could very well be in a coma soon on a respirator. A couple friends visited that day that I don't remember, but as she continued to tell me this story on the couch in our now lovely home about to embrace our first child, tears flowed freely at how blessed I am. Kelly goes on to explain to me that upon her first coming in, I asked her why her stomach was like that; so large and swollen. Had I really forgotten or been so confused or so close to the eternal home that I could ask something like that? She said she didn't stop crying for quite some time after I said it, and as I continued to hear of other stories she has opened up to me about, my mind is slowly opening to the very real fact that, despite the horror that I have gone through in my life, the pain that has happened, I can still say that I am so blessed. By all logic conjured by this world and its understandings, I should be dead; now for the fifth time in my life because of disease with this time being the closest. But I am alive. I am still in pain, but I am alive and able to see love abound around me.

Kelly and I would ask that you guys continue to pray for us during this time. She will be giving birth, if on schedule as the doctor firmly suggests, in about a week. Of course we are excited, but since this is her first, she is beginning to feel nervous or at least a little frightened. She is my helpmate, but I want her to be able to take this next season and just enjoy being a mother. I helped her cook tonight to show her that I will be okay and that she will not have to take care of me as much, but I need prayer as well. My pancreas went into failure, along with most of my other organs before I was transplanted and I can't seem to get my blood sugars underline even with the help of four to five insulin injections a day. We went to a diabetes specialist today and uncertainty abounds. I want to eat and eat and eat, but with my blood sugar out of whack, I can't absorb the nutrients I need to heal. Consequently, the staples in my side haven't healed and they might need to "pack it" which will prolong the process more than I would like, and my muscles still feel extremely weak.

But as I said earlier, I am alive and am now able to be a part of a story much bigger than me. How can I not be thankful? How can I not feel blessed? Mother Theresa once said that the Worst this world has to offer is like one night in a dirty hotel room compared to eternity. Well I have seen some of the worst that this world has to offer in my pain. But right now, as I feel for Noah to kick my hand on Kelly's beautiful stomach and as I lose myself in her eyes, I know that there are some good things this world has as well, if we can just let God be God. Some hotel rooms may be dirtier than others, but really, its just one night right? For those of you reading this, be encouraged, you are loved by our God.

Love, Dan and Kelly

Update from Dan - Jan. 24

Kelly and I are both so humbled and thankful that you all would chose to support us through continued prayer and finances. Thoughout these past two months, we have really seen God's love through all of you, even if you don't believe in God (!) and hope some day to show you all how much we care. There have been those whom we don't even know who have loved us unconditionally and prayed for us or sent us gifts for Noah or provided financially for our ongoing needs. We wish there was more we could do than say thank you, but know your love has brought us to tears at least once a day since we have known about it. People from all over the world have answered in love, and our story is becoming the story of thousands.

In fact, just yesterday Kelly told me a friend sent us a huge gift from Denmark for little Noah, and Jeff said Starbucks wanted to help in some small way, or that someone we didn't know bought us our car seat with her mother because our story has touched her life. We have never met some of you, yet the love you are showering upon us is almost like a healing balm to our recent wounds, and we wanted to express to you that you all are changing our lives.

Like I said, our story is the story of literally thousands of people because our life and the pain we have experienced has been joined, enhanced, and carried by all of you. You are sharing in our lives by pouring into it.

So with this being said, we would like to do something. I am going to be making a video often with Kelly and baby Noah that will update you guys and include you in our family somehow. I want you to see how beautiful and pregnant my wife is. I want you to see how ravaged my body has become and through your support, how it will grow healthy again. I want you to see little Noah when he arrives to share in all our joy together. I want you all to know how much Kelly and I love you and hope to show a testimony of Love that you all, somehow, can know that is yours.

With grateful love,
Dan and Kelly Parkins

P.S. Jeff Block, along with Rubios in San Diego (Grossmont Center) and the Hoslers, are throwing a fundraiser for us on the 29th of this month. We wanted to be there but the doctor told me I cannot be around groups of people for at least another month or so. Kelly will try to show up but will be very pregnant as well. Please accept our apologies for not being able to make it, but know again how much we appreciate all of this.

Dan's 1st Blog!

In the early hours of the night, Daniel has found strength to write:

"God is love. God is Just. He beckons me to answer him in the stillness that has become my life to him right now. I am not called to an amazing life, but a life lived full of amazing love being an amazing husband and father.

There is so much to share with you all, but it will have to take time if any of you are still interested because I need to say two things that are weighing heavily on my blank canvas of a mind right now. Jeremy Riddle wrote a song called “Sweetly Broken,” and it depicts a mind not bent on significance in the world but insignificance in God, allowing him to do whatever he wants to a transformed life caring only about being like Christ to those God has put in his or her life. So please, if I may, I want to talk about two people in my life who care more about my relationship with Christ than they do their relationship with me. They lifted me up and held my faith when it weighed heavily in the balance of life and death.

Jeffrey Block. As tears form in my eyes even now at how much he was loving me unceasingly and praying for me constantly during the hardest time in my life, I have a love deeper than a brother in him. Kelly and I have committed to he and his beautiful wife Leanna personally now for the rest of our lives and find a freedom in this bond. It is a powerful testimony and something we will share with everyone we meet about the significance of just how very real it truly is. Some have friends like these, some are seeking for them, but know that when you have them, they are gifts that speak audibly of commitment and love of Christ more than any material thing we could ever possess. Jeff, Leanna, you are my covenant family, and I make that covenant with you.

Next, sickly pale fingers clutch the keyboard with unfamiliarity, trying to navigate a keyboard as I try to wade through the haze of pain killers and a body so foreign to me. I didn’t know how close to death I really was, and how much the two previous transplants and removal of my large intestine had really destroyed my body. The doctors said that there was organ tissue, like my heart, small intestine, liver, pancreas, kidneys, and lungs, and then so much scar tissue like “cement encasing” and cutting off all of my organs to full functionality. I had been sick for a while and had been on full disability from work since the beginning of December. I was in the hospital awaiting death or a liver for two weeks at the end of December. My eyes and body were without love and I was slowly giving into the beautiful promise assured to me at the end of the race. My faith was in turmoil as I was tired of fourteen years of this stuff, and slept most of the day in the hospital because I was just tired of living. If God wanted me to live, then he would have to intervene literally miraculously (way more on that later) and do things that man would not have answers for; even one of the most gifted medical teams in the history of our country.

One week ago the impossible happened and Kelly and I saw God so clearly; even the medical professionals were eager to see what was going to happen when they sent me home yesterday. I have already gotten most of the dead skin off of me, taken a shower, but still feel the affects of such a horrendous 10+ hour surgery to my beaten and scared body. Though I am not in the right frame of mind to discuss how I feel, I know how I look to a wife that I love more than life itself. I am bloated, disgusting, sickly, overweight in the wrong areas and severely depleted in the others. My eyes are still jaunt, I still have a little yellow tint to my skin, it takes me five times longer to do anything half as quick as she can, putting on my underwear requires her intimacy, and all I can do throughout the day as she holds my child in her belly and wait on her to help me up, help me down from bed, go on long walks that are no more than fifteen minutes, have her clean my over 200 staples in my chevron scar that is my stomach, message my aching and swelling feet, and have her continue to stress about what she is going to do when the baby arrives since I can’t drive and will barely be able to be in the room for fear of my own set backs. We have been given strict orders of what I can or cannot do for fear of more looming death for me and yet all Kelly wants to do is spend more and more time with me.

I am not at a clarity point right now with God, but He pours out his countless mercies to me from above in the form of Kelly my wife. Tears consume me and I break down as I think about my melody of thanks to God for a life that he gave me. My whole life is for God, but He has used her to rescue me from the countless and endless surges of wave upon wave of exile this world is trying to banish me to through pain and trials. I am a part of a Kingdom of Heart and of Conscience, my God has Infinite Glory and there is nothing but a tarnished and tired life that I could ever give to this most Holy Jehovah. My call is simple and my expression is plain. I will love Kelly Parkins for the rest of my life and be the best husband she could ever have, and be the best father to my son who will know without a doubt the heart behind the Conscience that is Christ’s love. I will be the best husband and father I can be, this I vow You my King; whether you chose to give me a month longer, a year, or seventy more years. I seek the glory of a husband who shines you and has a secure wife, and a son who has a father who cares. And in the end, they will know, that I was your Servant.

Thank you for Jeff and Leanna Block. Thank you for Kelly. Thank you for little Noah Daniel still in my wife’s belly. Thank you for allowing me to see you yet again and having patience with me. You are the only worthy One."

Got To See Dan

Hey everyone, last night I was able to visit with Dan. He was cheerful and eager to talk. He still looked like he was in a lot of pain, but he was still smiling. He is still jaundiced and his arms and legs still retain water. Good news was that day he had most of the tubes taken out of his stomach. He did have two remain which should be taken out today or tomorrow. And the best news ever: he should be released from the hospital on Saturday. Is that amazing news or what?

He did want me to tell you guys how much has appreciated all the prayers you have said, all the people you have told about his story and to those who have donated, he sends his heart out to you. Thank you, from Dan.

He also mentioned to those who wish to stop by or bring gifts/flowers: he is still very weak and uncomfortable and visitors should be minimal. And flowers are not good because of his allergies. BUT, things that would be a blessing once released (for those that want to prepare a care package of some sort): any baked goods (cookies/brownies) just make sure there are NO nuts of any kind, frozen foods (yep, that's what he said) like eggo's or hot pockets (anything that is quick and easy); going with foods, he said any prepared dinners would be great as well. You know he appreciates anything you might want to bring.

Can you believe that he'll be able to see his first son born? He is so excited to be released soon and prepare for the baby with Kelly. He told me once he's out, his desire is to focus on being a good husband and good father. That's all he wants. So continue to pray that he can recover soon enough to do both those things. It will more than likely be a five to eight month recovery, to be back to semi-normal. You can imagine. He sends his thanks in advance.

Thats the update for now. Thank you all again. Maybe he can put updates on this himself, if he gets released soon! that would be awesome.

He took a walk!

Daniel is doing very well. He has been off anesthesia for a couple days and yesterday took his first walk. Though it was extremely painful, he did do it. He is planning on being in ICU for another day, that is good news. So for now, Dan is coherent and recovery well. Praise God.

Recovering Well

Dan is recovering well according to Kelly. He has been on anesthesia most of the day and the doctors hope to take him off of it briefly tomorrow (tuesday) to see how he does. Kelly said that he was able to open his eyes only for a second to see her and is able to move his hands. She said that his skin color could get back to normal in up to 2 months. Right now however she sees his hands are getting back to normal color slightly. So, for now, Dan is doing well, just being monitored and sleeping. Kelly did say to pray that his kidney's continue to get better and function properly. Thank you all for checking on Dan's status. Updates will continue...

9:45pm: A ten hour Op is a Success!

Ten hours later, Dan's liver transplant was a success. Praise THE LORD! Doctors told Kelly it did take a bit longer because of all the scar tissue that had formed from the previous transplants. But they were able to clear it up and successfully transplant a brand new liver! He did lose a lot of blood, and right now his condition is "critical but stable" in the ICU. Kelly would ask prayer for the recovery as it is going be quite tough. He's expected to be in the hospital for at least 7-10 days, maybe more just because this was his third transplant. THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all the prayers. Some things we can't explain why, but this is truly the act of a gracious, sovereign God who dearly loves Dan and Kelly and Noah. Praise God for this. May Dan come out even stronger.
More updates to be continued...

3am: A LIVER IS FOUND

A call at 3am awoke Kelly and found the joyous news that a liver was found for Dan. The doctors said it looked very promising as a perfect match. By 8:30am, the liver - from the donor - was verified healthy and ready to go. Dan did have to wait on the right about and the right kind of blood for the transfusion, but it was all okayed and by 11:30am he was wheeled down to the operating table awaiting his new liver.

It is projected to be anywhere from an 8 to 12 hour for this kind of surgery. As of right now, he is currently still in it and has a couple hours to go. Kelly could not be more elated, her husband is going to live. She has her family around her and now awaits the results from doctors. So far, everything seems to be going very well.

Updates will be up soon...Thank you all for the prayers and support!!

Not much to Update

Hey friends and family. There is not much to update on Dan. He is still currently waiting for a liver. He is sleeping most of the day, on pain medications and is trying to enjoy the moments with Kelly. His liver is not treating him well, the blood test results are not improving and that is very hard. But he has been so encourage by the flood of prayers and donations that are already in. He can't believe that so many people care enough to give as much as they have. He smiles every time I tell him he's gonna be ok, that his friends love him and that Kelly and he will be able to pay for this transplant. When God moves, big things happen and right big things are happening in the hearts of his friends. (For that, I personally thank you).

But for now, it's just waiting time...
Please flood them with prayers, as I know so many of you are. And pass the word on about the website: www.liverfordan.com. Thank you so much.
-Jeff

Dan is 'okayed' for transplant

Hello everyone. Dan had an MRI today to see if there would be any interference with performing such a big surgery. The doctors were concerned that his pancreas would be too inflamed to operate, but the results from the MRI were good and everything looks good for his operation. The docs gave the go ahead and are now just waiting for a liver. Please continue to pray for this. Also for the insurance, that everything would would work out with payments and everything. THANK YOU for all those that have donated already. Dan and Kelly could not go through this without you. So thank you again. More updates coming soon.
-JEFF

p.s. sorry for Kelly not being able to update herself, she'll be able to soon. thanks. and if you would like to leave comments, with encouragement or news, please feel free to leave them here. Kelly will be reading these soon.

Dan Admitted.

Hello everyone. Jeff again. I just spoke with Kelly today and Dan has been admitted to the hospital. He has been under an immense amount of pain in his abdominal and sternum. When Kelly took him in, the blood results showed that he has pancreatitis due to all that's going in his body. So they have admitted him and feel it is best to have him stay until the transplant. However there may be a possibility that the doctors can not transplant until the inflammation of his pancreas goes down. That is yet to be determined, but we will keep everyone updated. So for now Dan is in the hands of the doctors. It will be tougher from here on out, but there encouragment out there too!

Just spoke with Kelly and Dan

Hey guys, it's Jeff. My wife and I were able to spend a little time with Kelly (and Dan, he was out of bed for only about 5 minutes) and it was a great time. Kelly is very thankful for all the prayers and is very encouraged. Right now she is getting her internet fixed at her house and until then she won't be able to update this blog. So until then, thank you for checking this out and please check back soon to hear from Kelly. May God continue to wrap His arms around them.
-Jeff