Wholeheartedly

Since being released from the hospital, my days have been spent relaxing at home with my beautiful wife and child as Kelly feeds Noah and I sit there and try to burp him.  It is rather surreal to sit on the couch and watch the little guy try and push out the gas as he strains for comfort, knowing that his life is completely in the Lord's hands as well.  All that I can do is be a loving father to him, yet I have no control over his destiny or whether or not he will even love me back.  Yet I know that, through his naïve and relatively small needs, he will come and possibly even now, expects me to give him my best.  He expects me to give him my best.

 

I was reading in Deuteronomy about Caleb and it is said that he was a man who followed wholeheartedly after the Lord.  This gave him incredible longevity with faith and effectiveness, yet ultimately, we find that it really wasn't anything that he did, just what he was and represented; faith without compromise.  I want to be like that.  Faith without compromise.

 

This last stint in the hospital, after the initial shock of everything went away and we were faced with a new dilemma (relatively new anyway), we prayed and prayed that the Lord would provide for us something miraculous again.  People called, expressed their desires for us to live a full life of health and prosperity, along with many other social norms we have come to associate with "the good life."  Yet in asking these things from God, I can't feel a bit overwhelmed at how selfish I have become in some regards.  Let me qualify that statement:

 

I ask for God's best for my life almost every day, and in truth, because of the incredible and extreme show of love He gave me by sending his son on the cross to die for me because I couldn't live the kind of life that would get me into heaven, I have come to expect this in other areas of my life.  After all, we quote things like "God owns a thousand cattle on a thousand hills," if we are in financial disarray or "by his stripes we have been healed" if we are asking for God to intervene with health.  We know verses that speak of God as a loving father who knows our needs and wouldn't give us a rock if we asked for a loaf of bread, how much more would he bless us in other areas of life?

 

Yet, I can't help but realize, from my own vantage point, that though I constantly pray, sometimes without ceasing for health and certain prosperities, that through this often selfish prayer that I am asking for God's best without giving him my best.  It seems to me to be a one-sided relationship.  I want God's best for my life, yet I in turn do not give him my best.  In opposition to the heart of Caleb, I do not follow the Lord wholeheartedly.  

 

Here's a truth: I have never been happier or full of joy more than when I am walking closely with the Lord and He is sustaining me with His faith and eternal perspective.  The world and health and all of the other complexities life seems to throw at us melt away, and I am left with purpose to do the work of the Lord.  Shouldn't I then follow God wholeheartedly?  Shouldn't I then give God my best and stop making excuses about how little time I have for him or for others who are in need?

 

In His Grip,

 

Daniel Parkins

 

danandkel@mac.com
dparkins1@cox.net
www.liverfordan.com
www.theremnanttour.com

Railroad Tracks

I think there is a lot to be said about trials and pain, heartache and frustration. What does the eternal perspective, the one in which we know we are being perfected for that day when Christ comes again; that day when nothing will matter and we will realize that this life was over in a brief moment? Already my child, baby Noah, has grown noticeably; aren't we all the same way? So what does that mean?


While I was in the hospital on Thursday night, I was projected back to fear of the unknown. It seemed for one brief period, my doubts came flooding in and I found myself in doubt. I was afraid that I wouldn't see Noah full grown, that I would leave Kelly alone, and that my time after the transplant was just a gift and now it was my turn to go to my real home. Silly, really, is all it was, for as I finished the first massive immuno suppressive steroid stint, I laughed and said, "What is there to fear?"


All I have to do is look back on the past few weeks and see that my God is fully capable of doing the impossible. He already has and I, along with many of you, have seen it manifested in my recovery. So really, what do I have to be afraid of? Fear is just a cage employed by the enemy to keep us in a place where we cannot praise God. And I for one will not live that way.


Friday morning was a different story. I woke up, got unattached to all of my I.V.'s, and walked around the inside and outside of the hospital, free to meet people and listen to the worship on my IPOD I downloaded. It was one of the sweetest experiences I have had in a long time. Truth be known, God met me yet again, and it was intoxicating. I wouldn't trade it for a moment.


I guess that is where I am at right now. This past experience in the hospital was an awakening one for me. I know that my life is given to me each day so that I can praise God and give Him glory despite the circumstances around me. Others see that and it is not to my glory, but something I am so fortunate enough to be chosen for. I cannot run from this or it will only leave me bitter. Instead, when I run TO it, I see God's intimacy, experience His peace, and love what He alone supplies. Can trials be my bed of protection?


I feel not like a sailboat being tossed back and forth wherever the Spirit blows; rather, I feel that the Kingdom of God is a massive train moving forward with power, authority, and intentionality. I am the train tracks. My life needs to be laid down, ready to take on whatever happens, so that the advancement of the Kingdom happens over, through, and wherever I am.


Some who read this may have a problem with me saying that I am okay with the pain in my life and the experiences I have been called to go through. That theology may be hard to swallow. People pray for complete healing and restoration in my life so that I can live a life to the fullest. I believe so passionately that the life I am living while going through these trials may be fuller than a life lived free of pain, because the intoxicating grace fills me each day with the hope of my future home and what all of this is producing. God has blessed me so abundantly with a powerful testimony of Him and what He is accomplishing. I get to be a part of this glorious thing I am going through, because God's glory and Kingdom advancing are all that matter. Not how much money I make, how happy I am with my job, lifestyle, or what have you.


Full steam ahead, the train is coming. And I get to be a part of that in a powerful way.


With Love,

Daniel and Kelly Parkins

Ugh...Bad News

I woke up this morning hopeful that I would receive great news at transplant clinic about my liver biopsy that I took last Friday.  I left the hospital ecstatic and joyful, though the results hadn't gotten back, because the blood levels were doing so well.  I even got back to the house before Kelly woke up with little Noah, and was able to spend some time in the Word.  Psalm 63 grabbed my attention and left me in awe and inspired to pray as David did; to be able to praise God and trust him during the trials, instead of being on fire for him after they have come.  He had such a trust of the Father, knowing that it is God who is in control and only God who was able to deliver him.  I prayed that I too would have the same heart.

 

We went back to the hospital for my monthly diabetes check up, and things were going well again.  Kelly and I were having such a great time together we thought it would be nice for some of our hospital family to see little Noah and the great work God had done in our lives. 

 

Things changed dramatically when we entered the Organ Transplant area; the doctor told us that my liver was in the beginning stages of rejection again.  Even as I write those words, they haunt me.  "The beginning stages of rejection again."  This news, more than a train at full speed, hit us hard and shook us to our very cores.  I seriously thought the doctor was joking for he told me in his own way of unbelief; my liver seemed to be doing so great.

 

Apparently, in rejection, there are different types of inflammation around the liver, bile ducts, and arteries that they check in a biopsy.  Whenever white blood cells fight off infection, they show up and kill whatever doesn't belong there; they do this particularly with inflammation.  This is what is happening.  Though my functions are all reduced and my liver seems to be doing great, it is in the beginning stages of rejection (this is what led to my need for all transplants I have gone through) and the doctors want to counter this as soon as possible.

 

So where does that leave me?  Where does that leave my wife and baby?  Well, tonight, I have to be admitted to the hospital again.  I will stay overnight and into Saturday and Sunday where they will then send a nurse to come and visit our house to finish administering the medication.  I was told that Noah can't come on my floor of the hospital so I won't be able to see him for several days because of the immune systems of all patients.  This kills me.  They are going to give my worn out body massive amounts of more steroids, though I don't know how the human body can take so much.  God is the only reason I am not dead, for I really don't know how much more this flesh can take. 

 

Of course Kelly and I are immensely discouraged.  However, we don't feel unfairly treated in life nor are we angry.  There's really nothing we can do at this point because we have taken all of the medication, done all that the doctors have asked, and given the most important stuff up to God to take care of.  My idea of health is not this.  My concept of happiness does not include more rejection.  My picture of hope does not include these sort of hospital visits and my vision for the future of my life is free of liver problems. 

 

Yet here I write, about to be admitted into the hospital yet again, crushed, but not abandoned; pushed down but not destroyed.  I am blessed beyond the curse of death, this I know without fail, and will carry forth God's banner as an example to those who may doubt His faithfulness.  I have doubted in the past but the armor of God seems to be fusing to me lately, and I guess I am ready for this battle. 

 

Please send this out to as many people AGAIN for Kelly and I need the prayers of you all to help us and carry us forth into the fray of this next battle.  My love to you all…and I am so very sorry for this news but I have to go now…

In His Grip,

 

Daniel Parkins

 

danandkel@mac.com
dparkins1@cox.net
www.liverfordan.com
www.theremnanttour.com

Valentine Update

Feeling up to the task at hand, Kelly and I woke up this morning with little Noah in toe, and packed him up for his second check up with his Pediatric doctor.  Parking was simple and we made it to the hospital on time for once.  He was being a little fussy and we knew that he was hungry, but we decided to go ahead and check in.  We waited for only a few minutes before the doctor saw us, and gave us some incredibly good news regarding Noah.  He is now 7 pounds 7 ounces, almost gaining a full pound from last week; way ahead of where he should be!  Praise God, things are definitely going well for him…now if we can only get him to sleep more!  On a side note, I tried joking with one of the nurses and told them that we had been giving Noah Lunesta; that the sleep drug was being really effective…I don't think she appreciated it that much…

 

Other than that, Noah is doing really well.  He is having trouble sleeping today because it seems painful for him to pass gas, but when he does, Kelly says it reminds her of his daddy!  Go Noah!  He's my boy for sure!  I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day and if any of you are going to International Christian Fellowship this Friday at the Maneevone's, though Kelly and Noah won't be able to make it, I would love to see you there!  Blessings,

 

Daniel Parkins

 

 

danandkel@mac.com
dparkins1@cox.net
www.liverfordan.com
www.theremnanttour.com

Currency of Grace

How often do we expect more from God than his grace?  In trials, in work, in marriage, school and life, are we often complaining or disappointed because we are discontent with our circumstances?  Yet the wonderful grace from God gives us so much more than we often realize, and we forget.  At least myself, I often forget about it.  Yet it is the only real thing that will last.  God knows this, and lavishly pours it upon us with purpose and intentionality.  It seems that grace is the currency, the real estate, the rising stocks in Heaven.  Are we then not the richest in the world?  Yet more times than not this lacks in our psyches and doesn't produce enough encouragement to us to stave off depression that plagues the church.  We are seen as a people often fake or discouraged, downtrodden or confused.  What kind of testimony are we proclaiming to those who have no context with God except through us and the life we live as an example?

 

We look around us and believe that that which we see should our hope be focused on.  And when we view our lives without the currency of grace, we long for and desire what others have.  What do we focus on?  We focus on others, on things that catch our attention, and in our mistaken fervor for things to satisfy and get us out of our discouragement or depression, we take our eyes off the prize that is already ours.  Our eternal place is secure, yet we focus on this earthly realm as if all of our strength and attention should be given to it because we place so much emphasis on it.  But what here will last?  Will our love?  Will our character?  Will our things or hobbies or fantasy sports leagues?  Will it matter how many songs we have on our IPod or how far we got on our video games?  Will it matter who has the best recipes or who knows the most gossip?  What will last? 

 

I believe that the only, and I mean only thing that will last will be God's grace, for that is the transitional piece to Heaven.  Without an overwhelming abundance of it in our lives, we will not be secure for the future.  There in must we realize daily that we do indeed receive this grace, not because of anything we have done, but because it is freely ours to receive.  Everything else in life must be worked for with effort, intentionality and zeal.  But the currency of grace cannot be earned.  So what are we left to do?  We focus on that which doesn't fade away; on those things that will indeed last.  The modus operendi (sp?) of every believer is thus: to "look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4.18).  Every person who has been impacted by this intoxicating and certainly irresistible grace is indeed richer and wealthier than anyone who hasn't.  We are truly heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven.  Though we are sojourners here on earth, we are the wealthiest as well. 

 

If we want to focus on riches, we might as well know the truth.  Who has been given as much as us; as much as those who believe in the saving grace of Christ and his work on the cross?  We indeed are the richest.  I say we gather up our courage, gather up what is left of our strength, and fight with the truth that is God's grace.  We hold the keys to the storerooms of the wealthiest and most powerful King this world will ever know.  The currency of grace is ours, freely, and we will never be left wanting. 

In His Grip,

 

Daniel Parkins

 

danandkel@mac.com
dparkins1@cox.net
www.liverfordan.com
www.theremnanttour.com

Quick Update (Pics of Noah are up!)

It is Wednesday evening, and I haven't been able to update everyone for quite a while due to lack of energy, sleep, mental capacity, etc. Little Noah likes to be the center of attention! But we don't mind. He is doing so well (we have pictures of him up on the site now) and after a visit to the pediatric doctor today, she said everything looks great. Little did we know that there was a good chance, due to the medication I was taking when we were trying to get pregnant, that Noah would arrive with deformities and such. We were actually very concerned and prayed against it on many occasions, and when he arrived, God blessed us with a perfect little child. Praise God again!

Regarding my health, I went to the doctor on Monday and he gave me the green light to drive, said that I was ahead of schedule in the healing process, that I could lift my baby boy now, my bilirubin (cause of jaundice in my skin from the disease) count was 44 during transplant and is now down to 2.6, and my kidney functions are almost down to normal. He even said that I might be able to be around groups of people more, and that by next week, I might even be able to throw the baseball around. I can't believe the healing that God is doing through his sovereignty and your intercession. Thank you so much. As I left the office on Monday, the doc told me at the end that I didn't have to visit SCRIPPS twice a week any more for clinic, but still need my blood drawn. That's great!

My blood sugar levels due to the drug induced diabetes I have are starting to subside as well, though it is still somewhat of a struggle to regulate them. Please keep that in your prayers as well. I would write more, and I will soon, but for now, I just wanted to update you all with the facts of where Kelly, Noah and I are at.

In His Grip,

Daniel Parkins
dparkins1@cox.net
www.liverfordan.com
www.theremnanttour.com

Gives and Takes Away

Waking up from a nap, in the coolness of my room where visibly the sun had already gone past the horizon, I could feel the warmth from my heater's vent come down upon my tattered body.  Hearing a sweet sound in the distance, a smile came to my face and my side, for one brief moment, didn't ache.  Why?  Because I heard the faint cry of my new baby boy as my beautiful wife changed his soiled diapers.  It was music to my ears.

 

 

Lately I have realized something important; a truth so real it humbles me.  At this point in time, three weeks out of surgery from having received my third liver transplant, I have been severely blessed daily.  I can clearly see God's provision and manifestations of His love for us as we seek to live out each day at a time.  Sure, it is hard because both Kelly's and my bodies are tender and weakened, but we have tears because of the goodness of God.  Yet, it wasn't always like this.  Milton described different "levels" of hell, and in my life, I feel like I have experienced most of them here on this earth already, even just recently.  I know the meaning of pain and heartache; even to the point of removing my entire large intestine because of a painful disease that caused me to defecate up to twenty times a day, often pure blood.

 

 

At those low points in my life, the Lord definitely took away and it was indeed incredibly difficult to praise Him, let alone see Him for what He is; always in control.  It was a struggle, but through the prayers of my family and friends, and through God's grace, I was able to wake up to His sovereignty and still praise him for the other gifts He had given me.  When my day was filled with darkness, the stars of His grace were still piercing through. 

 

 

And now, God is giving to us abundantly.  It is overwhelming.  It is also something I pray I don't expect from God, as if we somehow deserve it for what we have been through.  I know that God isn't giving us these huge blessings because we have done anything or because we deserve anything; only because He chooses to so that He will receive glory.  That's what I need to be about: God's glory.  I know that at any point, God can stop the blessings from flowing into our lives; He has done that before.  But I also know, just as Job came to realize in the book that has his name, that even though the Lord gives and takes away, the name of the Lord will always be praised (paraphrased). 

 

 

Will we praise God in the morning, after a long and restful sleep where the birds are chirping and singing their songs to God?  And will we still praise God in the evening, after a long hard day where nothing goes right, things happen beyond our control and we have nothing to come home to save bills we can't afford? 

 

 

Thank you for giving us so much God, yet we will praise you when you withhold your hand from us.  We are about you and your glory, not about your gifts to us.

 

 

 

In His Grip,

 

Daniel Parkins
dparkins1@cox.net
www.liverfordan.com
www.theremnanttour.com

Noah is here!!!

On January 31st, 2007 at 5:30pm, weighing in at Six pounds Fifteen ounces and Twenty inches long, Kelly happily delivered baby Noah Daniel and introduced him to this world. It was the most amazing experience of my life. It was probably one of the craziest experiences of my life also, but it was wonderful. All together, by the time we got to the hospital to the time she delivered, only 4 1/2 hours had progressed. Though we didn't hit any traffic, the car ride there was probably Kelly's most difficult since the contractions were only three minutes a part with no real breaks. After her water broke at the house, it was a made rush for Noah to get out. Hopefully, by the end of this week, we will have some pictures up on the website of little Noah and the newly numbered Parkins family.

Kelly really did wonderfully and since Noah's arrival, has been a spectacular mother. I praise God, thinking back just three weeks ago about where I was at, and now visibly seeing God's love and provision manifested in our lives through all of you and now, through the little man God gave us charge over. He has a full head of blond hair with blond eyebrows and eyelashes, blue eyes as far as we can tell, and looks a lot like Kelly (very fortunate for that indeed!). He took to breastfeeding right away which was wonderful, and even fell asleep in my arms today as I was able to visit for a few brief hours.

This is a tough time for me as all I want to do is be there for my wife, but the doctors and everyone involved seem to think that my rest would be the best love I could show. Pray that I can submit to this! By the way, the new liver is still doing well; my bilirubin count (the amount of bile in my blood due to a diseased liver) is down from 42 three weeks ago to 4.1 today. Even the doctors are excited about what is happening.

My love to all who read these words,

Daniel Parkins

And sorry to my close friends who I wasn't able to call...these past two days have been hard on me physically!